Alma’s Blog

Makes You Think, Doesn’t It?

The Alien’s plea for a Blackberry in order to make her lifewhole has not waned since I wrote about it here.  
She has quite a sense of humour thatkid.  When all the children in her classwere told to place their phones on the teacher’s desk prior to writing an exam– she placed her calculator on the desk. She had written” Blackberry” on the calculator.  At least the teacher appreciated her humourand informed the Alien after the exam that she did not have any missed calls orBBM’s.
The Alien still does not have a Facebook account so, when Iread this little piece she had written, I took a look at myself.  Was she suggesting something?  Am I a neglectful wife and mother?  “Nah, this seems to be how everyone is thesedays.” She said.  Phew.  Still – it makes you think, doesn’t it?
Modern Times – guest blog by the Alien

I wonder why your faces don’t change colour from staring atthe light coming from your screen all day.
Your daily dose of exercise is poking people?
You are following him, she is following you.  Who is actually the leader in this wholefollowing pack?
Your laptop is an upgrade of your husband/wife.  It goes wherever you go.  You tell it all your feelings and it respondswith about 100 comments.
And if your computer shuts down – your life shuts down.  Oh no! Now you have to talk face-to-face!
I’ll give you some pointers about real life.
  •   You don’t poke people when you want theirattention nor do you put up your thumb and say “like” when they say something interesting. 
  • When you get bored of the conversation, youcan’t shut down.
  • You don’t actually follow people wherever theygo because that doesn’t lead to friendship – only restraining orders.
  • Your computer is NOT your life.            

Alrighty then, best I listen to my daughter and sign off, pack my laptop away and GETA LIFE.

…With Natural Ingredients.

I wrote a post a while ago about how we have to believe alot of the mumbo jumbo that advertisers claim about their products. (Read here)
Cosmetic companies also make a lot of claims about naturalthis and organic that.  I, well actuallyRoxy the Foxy, have proven that one company is not lying.
The Alien won a Palmer’s hamper filled with all their cocoabutter and olive butter products. Cool.  They all smelt very niceand Alien and I looked forward to trying them out.
An Amoeba on steroids?
Yesterday I found this strange thing lying on the floor.  Is it a potatoe, I thought.  I gave it a hesitant kick.  Nope – too light to be a potatoe.  Maybe a sponge?  We don’t have sponges in the house so unlessthat Squarepants dude paid us a fatal visit – not possible.  Mmmmm. Having established that it was not alive and dangerous, I picked itup.  I smelt it (as one does to unknownobjects.)
It was a bar of soap that Roxy had been chewing on!  What? The dog may not be a genius but she is not THAT stupid.  Yes, her breath does smell at times but wesurely haven’t given her that much of a complex about it?  Anyway – why not chew on a tube of toothpastethen?
Out of curiosity, I had to prove that this soap’s cocoabutter ingredient was what Roxy was after and it wasn’t just a moment of fullmoon madness for her.

I put the bar of soap back, right next to the Dove soap, andVoila! Proof that you can believe what some products claim about natural (andedible) ingredients.  Best I hide theshampoo with lemon extract.

“Ooh yummy.  My snack is back”
“I’ll take that now, thank you, before you remove it again”
“Now for a bit of Cocoa Butter indulgence.  Move aside, Mom”

Overworked and Underpaid

I have been feeling sorry for Chicken Man of late.  He is under so much stress, running around like a headless chicken tokeep his customers and bosses happy.

Likemost companies, those higher up in the pecking order are the ones that reap therewards of his moo-tivated and egg-zacting hard work.
But no matter where on the food chain we are – we all need tostop for a good chirple every now and again…

October

I reread the post I wrote last year about breast cancer awareness as it is October (again?!).  Itis ironic that the inspirational Steve Jobs died yesterday at the age of 56thanks to cancer.  I had a veryunproductive day workwise as I watched videos of his brilliant speeches and readarticles on his life. 
Cancer does not discriminate.  Steve Jobs’s exceptional mind and infinitewealth could not save him from the ravages of cancer.   

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me.Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful, that’s whatmatters to me” – Steve Jobs

Please, beautiful people, don’t be complacent if you suspectanything is not as it should be. Cancer kills more people every year than AIDS,tuberculosis and malaria combined.

“Your time on this earth is limited; don’t live someoneelse’s life, live by your vision.” – Steve Jobs, 1955 – 2011

Raising Teenagers is Like Nailing Jelly to a Tree

School holidays are starting tomorrow.  I have stocked up on wine and informed everyone who knows me that I am available for coffee/lunch/anything that will give me a couple of hours break from being a taxi driver with an onboard ATM and fast food outlet.
I have very generously offered the Alien a couple of really awesome activity options available during the holidays.  The ungrateful eye-rolling and “Ag Maaaa” was all the thanks I got.  Fine!
I have found a solution which will hopefully elicit at least an “Oh Cool” response from my darling Alien…

Is there a Doctor in the House?

 

This was the subject of an e-mail I sent out to all my friends who live in Durban North.  I wasgatvol with my doctor and was looking for another “quack” to give my hard-earned Rands to.
Just like with mechanics, plumbers and electricians,  we do not question doctors because they are so very qualified and clever and can sprout words that make absolutely no sense what so ever to us.  I strongly object to being treated like an ignoramus and so I make sure I do my research (thank you, Google) before and after every qualified person appointment.
So, the Alien had a cough. No big deal I hear you say, except the cough continued for months. Our now ex-GP treated me like I was a neurotic, overprotective, Munchausen by proxy freak.

A general warning: Don’t mess with any mother with more than1 brain cell, clever people!  We are genetically programmed to protect our young. We will kill for our offspring even if they are teenagers.

Once ex- GP finally started taking my concerns seriously I was exposed to the overwhelming and scary concept of spending money quicker than you can earn it.  How do these specialists and laboratories decide on their exorbitant prices? Are they based on their Mercedes and Ferrari repayments?
After 3 weeks of emptying my purse, bank balance and lifesavings, selling a kidney and gaining shares at the Pharmacy besides the frustration of not knowing what was wrong with the Alien – I have a healthy daughter and a newfound respect for radiographers.  Doctors and specialists do not even look at the “pictures” that radiographers take. They base their decisions purely on the reports the radiographers send them (and how much money they need for their next overseas vacation)

To the folk who took such …errr…revealing photos of my daughter, you are my heroes. You may have the crappiest selection of ancient magazines in your waiting room but you were the voice of tangible, understandable reason through the medical nightmare I have just emerged from.  A bargain at the price.

Time Out

I seem to have been out and about quite a bit lately what with networking functions, client appointments, wine club and book launches. This is a good thing as it gives my failing eyesight a break from staring at my computer screen.

On Friday I attended the much anticipated Sunflower Fund/ Mums Mail Very Vintage High Tea. The ladies really pull out all the stops to dress up for this event. I am not a great theme dresser-upper but the theme afforded me the opportunity to wear my wedding dress again. My bit for recycling done for the year.

As always – great entertainment, good food, seriously impressive lucky draw prizes (no, I did not win) and the best goody bag ever. Well done to Alice Leah and the Mums Mail team.

On Sunday I went to a concert. A concert for teenager types. What was I thinking?! If the Alien ever says I don’t do anything for her, I shall remind her about this concert. A band called Goodluck was opening for the main act which was Locnville – those young lads with freakishly deep voices. It was at the Chris Saunders Park in Umhlanga which Chicken Man did not even know existed. He needs to get out more often, clearly.

After cussing and cursing in a queue for over an hour thanks to poor organisation at the gates – we finally got in to the park. Although a group of some of my favourite friends were there, we selfishly pitched our camper chairs as far away from the stage as possible. I was hoping the volume would be softer there. That didn’t really happen.

But what did happen is that Chicken Man and I had a wonderful afternoon in the sun together, sipping liquid refreshments and munching on the picnic items I had packed, whilst watching the passing parade of today’s youth. The Alien and her friend only appeared when nourishment was required.

It made me realise just how little quality time Chicken Man and I have together. A problem that I am sure a lot of busy, modern day couples face? Most weekends he is taking countless phone calls and stressing out about trucks, deliveries and blah blah and usually ends up going into the office. I am always listening with half an ear as I continue working on my laptop.

No phones and no laptop. No talking about chickens or social media. Just 2 relaxed old folks enjoying surprisingly good music amongst the shorts and shiny locks of the energetic, bright-eyed Goodluck and Locnville fans.

Land Invaders 0 – Jasmine 1 (Finally)

As I sit working, my lounge is filled with the fragrance of my Jasmine creeper. It is the most beautiful, uplifting smell. It reminds me of my years living in Johannesburg where Jasmine grows like a weed.

I am not sure if Jasmine likes growing in Durban much because it has taken over 5 years for it to bloom. Having said that – I know that the blame for its ridiculously slow growth is not just the climate. The daily land invasions are the main culprits.

The land invaders i.e. the troops of vervet monkeys who visit, either first thing in the morning or about 4 in the afternoon, used to love eating the tiny jasmine buds. The poor creeper did not stand a chance against the sheer number of monkeys enjoying a post paw-paw snack.

My garden has about 6 paw-paw trees and a guava tree. Not that I ever eat either the paw-paws or the guavas. I leave the fruit for my cheeky, uninvited guests in the hope that this will discourage them from jumping into the kitchen and helping themselves to bread, bananas and anything else edible they can find at Alma’s Kitchen Restaurant. I do not feed them yet they ignore the bills for the buffet menu they have helped themselves to.

I want to hate them, particularly when they tear apart the garbage bag and throw stuff about looking for tasty titbits. How can I hate these animals with their human-like traits?

Before the arrival of Roxy – the monkeys were bolder and took complete advantage of my hospitable nature. Whilst watching TV one afternoon (Animal Planet of course) I thought Cuddles was lying on the floor next to my chair. I then realised it was a monkey, sitting next to me, engrossed in the Animal Planet programme I was watching.

I looked back and there they all were. The whole troop was parking off on our outdoor furniture, watching TV and waiting for afternoon tea to be served!

Books are Lekker, né?

Have I mentioned that I love reading? No? How remiss of me.

Books have been to blame for many a sleepless night as I force my eyelids open and coerce my eyes to focus so that I can read one more chapter… then just another chapter…one more….and so it goes until it is 3:00am and I have finished the book. Sound familiar? I bet it does.

As much as I enjoy reading all the great best-selling international novelists like Stieg Larsson, Dan Brown, Jodi Picoult, Dean Koontz etc – I do so love reading South African novels. It’s refreshing to be able to identify with the places, people, humour and idiosyncrasies that are uniquely South African.

South Africa has some great writers and here in Durban North, to compensate for the shocking drivers, we have Books & Books. A delightful book store which regularly host some of our South African authors.

I went there to listen to Jenny Hobbs, author of “Kitchen Boy”, whose talk was fascinating as she and guests alike shared details of what South Africans went through during World War 2. Kitchen Boy was an amazing read, made even more special with references to familiar spots within KwaZulu-Natal and Durban.

(Excuse the crappy photos. My Blackberry is lacking in that function)



I just loved the “Ants” books so jumped at the chance to meet Annica Foxcroft. She was promoting the 3rd in her Ants series namely “Ants in the Big Onion.” Her previous 2 books – “There are Ants in my Sugar” and “More Ants!” were books that one could easily read in a couple of days and which had you smiling the whole way through. Annica was an eloquent and amusing speaker whose love for the written word clearly extends to the spoken word.



Although I had already met Di Smith, I wanted to hear all about her new book – “You’re Awesome.” I purchased her book not for myself – but for The Alien. The positive messages in her book are just what a teenager needs to empower themselves to get through the unimaginably difficult world they live in.



I am looking forward to hearing Mandy Weiner whose book, “Killing Kebble”, has attracted a lot of publicity. It is definitely not a book that you can put down and pick up at whim. There are so many characters and story lines that it demands you pay attention. Mmm, I may have to borrow one of the Aliens Ritalin tablets.

Books & Books, Janine O’Conner and your entire team, thank you for promoting South African writers. Please can you invite some of my other favourite SA writers like Fiona Snyckers (Her Trinity books are a treat for all ages) and Ndumiso Ngcobo (Because it is cathartic to laugh about our diverse nation) and Paige Nick (still waiting for her books which I ordered but I love her column in the Sunday Times)

Any more South African writers you can recommend? My fellow Ama Glug- Glugger, Lesmarie, gave me the book “Mushy Peas on Toast” by Laurian Clemence. Looks like just the type of book I want to read. Loud and proud – it’s South African.

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